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    September 06

    如果心声真有疗效 谁怕暴露更多 你别怕我

    昨日在热气氤氲的公交车上,用手机看完了alexyhu的《天水围的日与夜》,记得当时我蒙在被子里,用psp看完了这部电影的,平质朴实的小人物的生活,好似一个个reflection,折射着似乎转瞬即逝的生活,那个中考后无所事事的暑假,那盆妈妈烧的冬菇,那个隔壁独居的老人,那包买报纸附赠的纸巾。小人物的生活也可以充满快乐,我就是一个小人物。

    时不时,trainspotting里头那些咒语"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers."会出现在我脑中,不过摇摇头,又想起evan的那句"i choose not to choose."我常常觉得我这个人最大的缺点就是永远搞不清楚什么到底是自己的热爱,就连什么是厌恶,也说不上来,我是如此的逆来顺受。

    最近大爱千fa,每日行尸走肉的工作,其实日子过得也很快,马不停蹄地来不及悲伤,还好人来人往的时候,有那么一首首歌,大爱《勇》,渴望爱的人,全部爱得很英勇,这种感觉真的很好。做个大妈有什么不好。可惜要找一个誓死都一起的人又谈何容易呢。

    很久没有像昨天那么高兴了,几个相熟的人把酒倾一个晚上,把以前的趣事再翻出来炒炒冷饭,把讨厌的人再痛骂一遍,把想念的人再缅怀一次。下一次全员到齐的聚会,不知道还要多久,再各奔东西之后,某人说,不如不见。很难再有那么一群志同道合的人了,那么浑浑噩噩却转过身去如此细腻,别怕暴露过多。也许是这样的ecstacy,让我总是如此怀念,如此感伤。

    有时说服自己早睡,却在不易入睡时候,就看《小王子》,以前喜欢的是玫瑰,现在却更喜欢小狐狸。谁来驯服我,谁让我看到一片麦穗后,会情不自禁地想起你的金黄色,其实在不知不觉中,早已被驯服。从来没爱你,绵绵。

    最近爱上了走路,体育公园的空气很好也很凉爽。这样简简单单的生活日复一日,我感到很快乐。但是我真的很想你们,由衷地想。

    前段日子去的乌镇,也是最近生活的亮点,我跟我妈说,我好向往那里慢节奏的生活,我妈却很不屑地说,生在哪里就是适应那里的生活的,如同假期的美好是为了反衬工作的冗长,点缀的东西多了,反而腻了。我妈是哲人。所以,我们越发怀念一次次短短度假的弥足珍贵。

    原来过得很快乐,只我一人未发觉。

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